Zombie Chronicles

Wow. It's quite apt that the first film I review for this blog should be the 2001 bargain bucket monstrosity Zombie Chronicles. This could quite possibly be the worst film I've seen this year. Unbelievably, I picked this up in HMV being as it was from the UK based "Shriek Collection" responsible for releasing some genuine nuggets such as Ruggero Deodato's cannibal debut Last Cannibal World and the fantastic zombie-poodle madness of The Boneyard (more on those another day). Their impressive website is here by the way, but it's worth mentioning that there are more titles in their collection which it appears they just couldn't be bothered to put on the website.

Shriek don't appear to have much love for the films they peddle and this transfer is by far and away the worst I've ever seen on a legitimate DVD release which considering the film is less than 10 years old is truly outstanding. It's a miracle that anyone would want to watch this film enough times to wear out the video tape in the first place and less believable still that they would then choose this battered copy to transfer to DVD. It's worth noting at this point that some of the blurriness is accounted for by the fact that Zombie Chronicles is supposed to be in 3D! A fact that Shriek neglect to mention ANYWHERE on the cover, and they certainly don't provide 3D glasses. It was only after watching the film in it's entirety and then checking out IMDB that I realised this oversight and have since revisited a few scenes with my own pair of 3D specs. Suffice to say, it didn't work. At best it negated some of the horrible blurriness at the cost of a sharp pain behind my eyes.

The other very strange thing about this film is that literally ALL of the zombies and gore effects that appear throughout are shown in the opening credits. This was presumably done by the film-makers to keep us hanging on for more... but really, it does nothing beyond rendering the entire film pointless. The gore ranges from laughable (ping-pong ball eyes are gouged) to unsettling (a girls face is shown to have been quite convincingly ripped off) to just plain rubbish. This mixed bag was produced by Joe Castro who clearly has some talent and would go on to create some spectacularly nasty effects for the godfather of gore HG Lewis in Bloodfeast 2 the following year, presumably having some kind of budget to work with.

In spite of it's unconvincing zombies, grating soundtrack, insanely wooden acting and glaring anachronisms (the first of the Creepshow style segments is set in the 70s yet the characters are seen driving a late 90s Kia 4x4) the film isn't without it's charms. Zombie Chronicles' greatest asset actually lies in it's uncompromisingly po-faced attitude. Had the actors not have been taking their roles quite so seriously, the result would not have been anywhere near as funny. So often the case with no-budget horror, unintentional laughs are always more successful than juvenile and cringe-worthy attempts at humour. The hitcher's performance is worth the £1 asking price alone... seemingly based on Fred Gwynne's bizarre performance in Pet Sematary but falling hilariously short, the entire linking narrative could be taken as a master-class in non-acting.

In all, this film is everything a bad film should be and less. The opening credits and first of the two stories make for a damn fine slice of so-bad-it's-good entertainment but beware the abysmal second section and the nonsensical climax and spend those 45 minutes doing something better with your life.